The Most Important Halloween of Our Lifetimes

Simple instructions for constructing a Fat Unicorn costume for Halloween or another event

You've decided to be a Fat Unicorn for Halloween; a commendable and popular choice. After searching several costume shops, however, you find unicorn costumes to be in short supply, poorly-executed when available, and/or not fitting with your mental image of a fantastical yet obese mono-horned pony. Don't worry: it is both easy and economical to create your own Fat Unicorn costume using easy-to-find materials.

Equipment:

large white turtleneck
pair of white stretch pants, 1 - 2 sizes too large
thermal underwear bottoms, standard size
2 standard-size pillows
skein of pink yarn
small foam cone (as used for flower arranging)
18" x 24" sheet of silver metallic contact paper
3' length of white feathered garland (w/ tinsel if avalaible)
small can of spray glitter, silver
approx. 1' of elastic cord
white du rag (aka tie down cap)
razor blade
duct tape

The most time-consuming part of building a Fat Unicorn costume is creating the mane and tail, so I would recommend starting with these. For the tail, first use a piece of the pink yarn to determine your desired tail length. Three feet should be more than enough. Using several empty cardboard cereal boxes stacked inside of each other or another item of similar length, unwind many lengths of pink yarn to the desire length. You should end with a loop of perhaps 4-dozen strands of pink yarn. Snip the yarn so you are left with one long length of strands. Tie a knot in the middle of this length and arrange the yarn so that it resembles the pink enchanted tail of a mythical beast. For the mane, cut many bundles of length of yarn measuring approximately 8 inches. Line these up on top of a string of yarn that is cut to the length you desire for your main. Leave a space of about an inch between each yarn bundle until the entire length of your mane's "spine" is covered in yarn "ribs". Tie these rib-like bundles around the yarn spine, so that equal lengths of yarn hang from each side. at the "front" of your mane, tie your last bundle not in the middle, but at the end, in order to give the effect of a whimsical pompadour of pink hair.

Arguably, the most important part of a Fat Unicorn costume is the horn. It is actually fairly easy to construct. Begin by separating your shiny silver contact paper from its backing material. Set your foam floral cone along the edge of the sticky-side of the paper and roll it until the cone is covered in silver paper. The paper should extend far past the cone's natural end point: this is fine, in fact it's the desired effect as it will create a large, intimidating horn rather than a short, stubby horn. Use a razor blade to trim away the excess silver paper, making sure to conserve as much paper as possible for use in hoof-making. Straighten your wire coat hanger and use it to poke a hole about 3/4" up from the base of your horn. Feed the length of elastic cord through this hole. Try your horn on to make sure it sits flat, but do not tie the cord in the back yet.

At this point, you should be thinking about sparkles. Canonically, unicorns are perhaps the sparkliest of all creatures. Use spray glitter to coat your mane, tail, turtleneck and stretch pants with as much glitter as will stick. Make sure to do this in a well-ventilated area. I recommend the courtyard in front of your apartment building, though make sure to do this quickly as it will sound like you are using spray paint to graffiti the building and you could attract unwanted attention. Hold the can at least 8 inches from the material.

The preparation is done: now it's time to start getting dressed. Put on your thermal underwear bottoms. Now, place a standard size bed pillow under the front of your shirt. It may be neccessary to wear a t-shirt to cut down on skin irritation (I recommend a white t-shirt, as other colors may show through). The pillow should ride as high as possible so that top corners of the rectangle align approximately with your shoulders and yet sit low enough that when tucked into the pants the pillow will create a realistic "FUPA" effect. Next, take the second pillow and tuck the four corners towards the middle as best as possible. You will be inserting this pillow into the seat of your thermal underwear bottoms. Again, it is strongly recommended that you wear a white pair of underwear underneath your longjohns. Adjust as needed to create the appearance of a fat ass. Tuck your tail into the wasteband of your stretch pants. Make sure your shirt sits on top of the pants, do not tuck in. This will help to keep your tail in place.

For hoofs, cut two thin rectangles from a length of the silver contact paper. These should wrap like bracelets around the wrists of your turtleneck. Use two thicker rectangles around the shins of your stretch pants. When you're getting dressed, have a friend tie off the feathered garland around the top of your "hooves" to create the effect of fur.

Use the du rag as a makeshift bald cap, hiding your hair underneath it as best you can. Leave it tied loosely in the back until after you've fed your mane through the back, then tighten it. Use a loop of duct tape to hold the pink "bangs" at the front of your mane in place against the crown of your head. Finally, tie the horn so it rests just above your eyebrows, but below the front-most bangs. The elastic string will also help to keep your mane in place. I prefer a free-floating mane, but it would also be possible to use loops of duct tape to affix the "spine" of the mane to the "spine" of your back.

Congratulations! You've completed your Fat Unicorn costume! Make sure to take notice of the length of your horn as it could be an issue when trying to open closed doors or move close to a sink in order to wash your hands.