Wednesday, June 30, 2010

It Might Get Loud

I found this trailer for "It Might Get Loud" on my friend's blog, similarly titled "It's Not Loud Enough." Looks pretty, pretty, pretty good.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

North Korea Destroys Brazil 12-0 in World Cup Play


With the closed and censored news of North Korea's State News Agency, I can only imagine how the match between North Korea and Brazil was reported on State television yesterday. If previous news stories about Kim Jong Il are any indication, I imagine my headline may not be too far off:

  1. Kim Jong Il is the best golfer in history. Tiger Woods isn't fit to tie his golf shoes or clean his clubs. Kim shot a 38 under par, complete with eleven hole-in-ones in his first time golfing.
  2. A true renaissance man, Kim Jong Il has also flown fighter jets and has written several operas.
  3. According to school texts, When Kim Jogn Il was born there were spontaneous rainbows seen throughout North Korea and Spring came early in February.
  4. Little children are taught that Kim Jung Il doesn't produce urine or feces; he transcends those basic human functions.
  5. Kim Jung Il defies the inevitability of aging by injecting himself with the blood of virgins.

The entire team, called "Chollima" (a winged mythical horse) by the North Koreans is being sequestered
behind the tightly guarded gates of a remote hotel in northern Johannesburg. Even their meals are brought in from North Korea; we wouldn't want the devil Americans to poison their food and ruin their chance at winning the World Cup. After all, when the soccer team losses some of the players are sent to coal mines as punishment for their poor performance on the pitch. Even worse, according to the AP, "some of the feted players from the 1966 team were said to have been sent to one of North Korea's infamous labor camps for squandering a promising 3-0 lead to lose to a Eusebio-led Portugal in the quarterfinals."

Success and failure is a State matter, so it's a good thing the team performed so well against the Brazilians, not because it's good for soccer, but because it's good for the lives of these young athletes.

The Armpit Collection XXXIII: Before the Dark Side



I recall a delightful evening in Norfolk, VA when some fellow friends and I went swaggering into a club to see a rejuvenated rock n roll band. Freshly reformed and rehearsed, the Black Crowes played a handful of covers over their two (?) sets. One of those covers was "Fearless," a song that I knew quite well at the time. Though the original version is quite rhythmic, it's tame due to it's acoustic production. Hearing it fleshed and attacked, overdriven by electric guitars made a lot of sense. Sadly, the crowd on hand couldn't replicate the overdubbed field recording of "You Never Walk Alone" chanted by fans at a Liverpool F.C. match.

Meddle also contains a song that has made it's way on to as many J Seger mixes as any other song, "San Tropez."

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Never Forget



Scary, aren't they? Please play this video everytime Germany scores a goal in the World Cup. Also Germans, from my internet porn watching experience, enjoy using feces as a sex toy. I'm serious, search for "shit porn" and I'll bet you 5 bucks you'll be watching something from the Fatherland... I wouldn't write it if it wasn't true.

Taking the Law Into Yer Own Hands

AMERICA! FUCK YEAH! WORLD CUP! OIL! WAHOO!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Remember, We're All Humans

I'm watching the World Cup. I find this to be the only sporting event I get excited about at this point in my life. This is probably because:

+ Obviously I'm a Communist
+ Scoring and Winning is meaningless to me
+ I could care less about American character
+ All illegal immigrants should be given citizenship
+ I'll do anything Europeans do
+ I wish I was European and try to stretch my family lineage that way when asked by others
+ I don't want kids to get hurt or fail
+ I don't want kids to learn anything about life from American Sporting
+ I care about other people in the world more than Americans
+ Seeing men run after and kick balls is exhilarating
+ I have a foot fetish
+ The drama in pretending to be injured should be brought to the attention of the Screen Actor's Guild
+ I never have and never will vote Republican

Some truth in the matter is that America is average at Soccer. We don't dominate the rest of the world like we do in just about every other major sport (the ones we invented). This is a game that requires humility, finesse, and patience, not exactly the adjectives you use when making a pitch to the American Consumer Market. I think the idea that America has to get lucky and work very hard in order to be successful in the World Cup is frustrating to some media-ists.

THIS ARTICLE prompted this Blog post. Originally, I was going to do a more personal, passionate post about the World Cup, how I've ordered cable and DVR because of it and how it is a great way to enjoy something that is truly meaningful to a lot of people <<<< humans, you know, the things that WE ARE.

I could care less how popular Futbol becomes in America, obviously Americans care about other sports more, fine. What I do care about is when when something like the World Cup is used as a political vehicle to ambiguously lay claim to "the way America really is." I wouldn't question any of our contributors or readers dignity by responding to many of the wildly irrational points raised in the aforementioned article. The best thing to remember is that...

The World Cup isn't about America, it's about People Coming Together to Play a Game.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Before I Kick The Bucket List: Demolition Derby

I'll send everyone I know invitations out similar to wedding announcements to attend the last hurrah and swan song for my '86 Thunderbird. The adrenaline alone would compensate for my desire to exchange rust and dust with tons of sunsetting metal clad machines in an otherwise controlled enviroment. This boat could do some damage and provide an adequate amount of buffer safety for myself in the meantime. Of course I would ride to win so regardless of the outcome, tears will drop. Two words...Washington County Agriculture Expodition.

The Armpit Collection XXXII: Willie Dixon



Willie Dixon - The Chess Box Set

This is one of the best record purchases I've made over the past few years. 3 discs of the finest modern blues, the guy basically wrote everything. A blueprint of the rock n roll that was to come.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

The Best Cigarette

I thought of this with Luke's song post a while back but didn't take the time to post. I am a woesome companion. Nevertheless, here is a good one by Billy Collins for all those quitters out there:

There are many that I miss
having sent my last one out a car window
sparking along the road one night, years ago.

The heralded one, of course:
after sex, the two glowing tips
now the lights of a single ship;
at the end of a long dinner
with more wine to come
and a smoke ring coasting into the chandelier;
or on a white beach,
holding one with fingers still wet from a swim.

How bittersweet these punctuations
of flame and gesture;
but the best were on those mornings
when I would have a little something going
in the typewriter,
the sun bright in the windows,
maybe some Berlioz on in the background.
I would go into the kitchen for coffee
and on the way back to the page,
curled in its roller,
I would light one up and feel
its dry rush mix with the dark taste of coffee.

Then I would be my own locomotive,
trailing behind me as I returned to work
little puffs of smoke,
indicators of progress,
signs of industry and thought,
the signal that told the nineteenth century
it was moving forward.
That was the best cigarette,
when I would steam into the study
full of vaporous hope
and stand there,
the big headlamp of my face
pointed down at all the words in parallel lines.