I've Been TurboTaxed in the Ass

In case there's any confusion over the title of this post, let me set things straight: Being Turbo Taxed in the ass is a BAD thing! (although the lady in the picture seems to be enjoying it)

This afternoon I had some free time and I figured I'd finish my taxes. I started them a few weeks ago, but never finished because I was unsure the results I had received were accurate. Late last year my job moved to New Jersey, so this winter I had two W-2s (one from dirty Jersey and one from New York). After filling in all the fields I ended up getting money back from the Federal and Jersey, but owing New York. Naturally I talked to people at work to seem if they had similar results and wouldn't you know there wasn't a consistent pattern to what everyone's accountants were telling them. Some people were getting money back from both states, some owed both, etc. This uneasy feeling should have been red flag to just take my paperwork to an accountant.

Today, I said, was going to be the day that I just filed as they were, and if I'm audited down the road then so be it; afterall, we're not talking about big money one way or the other. I decide to go with the e-filing option, and even gave them my bank account and routing number so they could direct deposit money from Federal and Jersey and withdraw funds from my account for New York... then I get a "hey, sorry, you can't e-file because you filled out fields wrong, please don't leave this field blank or else you're going to have to print this out and your return will take forever to get snail-mailed." Naturally I grabbed the wrong W-2, and without noticing effected all returns and then hit SUBMIT.

I think look at the return numbers and it's showing that I owe Federal taxes of approximately $14,000 and owe New York State about $6,500!!! Shit, in that last "hey, sorry" noticed I had accidently doubled my actual income and had inadvertently authorized the government to take $20,000 out of my bank account ($20,000, mind you, that isn't there to begin with). I begin dreading the future overdraft fees and the interest on paying out funds that aren't there. My bank will mess with my rates and ruin my credit! I'll be taken to the poor house!

I called TurboTax and they told me, "You shouldn't have hit submit." No shit, Sherlock. I wanted to stop everything that had transpired in the last 20 minutes. I wanted a refund, I wanted TurboTax to retract my submission, etc. Of course none of this could be stopped. They told me I'd have to wait until my taxes were accepted or rejected by the government and they told me, "hope and pray they don't accept them." I got on my knees and started hoping as hard as I could, conjuring all thoughts of hope I could think of, and even said a quick prayer to Rodney Dangerfield (now that he's dead, I pretend to give him a little respect). Two hours later I get an email saying.... My Federal taxes were accepted and they'd withdraw the funds shortly.

I immediately called my bank and told them to remove Overdraft Protection (so they couldn't take more than what was there). I wanted to close my entire checking account so that when the government went to look for it, they wouldn't find my money, and would be forced to wait for checks that ARE NEVER COMING. Now I basically just have to wait until tomorrow to cancel my checking account (I couldn't do it tonight due to pending transactions). Then I have to mail in amended tax information, and wait for the refunds.

What a pain in the ass, huh? I should have been paying closer attention and should have just paid some accountant to figure this out instead of using TurboTax. But who would've known there was no going back after hitting SUBMIT? Now I've got my bank, my tax preparer, and my government very, very confused... At least tomorrow we'll all have healthcare, right?!