Monday, October 27, 2008

pigs






You know what I'm talkin about, New York's 'finest'- the butt-holes who have a license to toot in your face. Sick Motherfuckers!

You see I left my bag in the back of a cab because I got too..too. Ya know. I was snorting mushrooms outta my nose from the pizza 'with everything on it' I inhaled at lunch. At any rate, this bag was important to me. It was my dad's when he was my age, it had my iPod, my lease, important documents, notes, my badge, etc. in it. I called the cab the next morning when I came to. He said he dropped my bag at the 17th precinct on 51st btw 3rd and Lexington. I thought great, fantastic, I'll go down there to the station give em some hi-fives, talk sports, smile, pick up my bag.

I get to the station and immediatly the thunder and lightning strike down and the clouds roll in over head. I tell the woman at the front desk the situation. She's an old bitch with a mustache, but she pokes around here and there, nothin. In fact, there's no record of it. I tell her, I'll talk to the cab driver and come back later.

It's now 10:15 pm or so and I've come back and I have khalil (pronounced Kelly) with me, the cab driver. We walk in together, confident, like we have assault rifles and we might start flipping over desks and bullying. T-20 seconds later and Khalil is shot in the mouth, he's foreign and has a lisp. "Man down!" I scream. They isolate me in the corner and begin to rape me with me own rifle. "The bag wasn't dropped off here." "The cab driver's not telling the truth." "We wouldn't have thrown it away." "No you can't look in the trash." "The trash is gone." "We can't tell you who was working the desk." "You think we would throw it away? [disgust]"

Bloodied and exhausted, they kick me in the ribs and throw me out like a mangy dog. I crawl back in and demand the leiutenant. He comes over, "I just don't know what the recourse is," he says. I hear a Wall St. drunk in the back screaming, "Get the fuck off me!" The leiutenant continues, "It [the bag] was in harms way and then it came in here and was safe and then it went back out into harms way." Instantly an image of George W. flashes in my brain and I'm thinkin, What the fuck! What the hell does that mean! Yea, it was in harms way when it showed up here, you fuckin moonlightin liar! I tell him I wanna fill out a report immediatly.

What can I say, I'm absolutely and utterly disgusted with the police force. No responsibiltiy, no regard, No Class! A bunch of god damn derelicts! Now, let me get this straight. These people are allowed to carry a gun? And they want to make it illegal for me to pack one? Shhiiiiit, I don't think so Gilbert! I'm going to Wally World (Wal-Mart), who's coming with?

Poor Khalil's face up behind the desk and two pigs are eating his flesh and bone...I'm not surprised. Snouts all bloody and squeely.

My god, it's gettin bad.

4 comments:

RYAN! said...

When Barack Obama is president we'll have an all-volunteer police force and things like this will never happen. Every citizen will have to spend one weekend a year on patrol.

YaYaYaDonTKnowMe said...

Musta been one hell of a bag, like a Technicolor Magical Mystery Dream bag.

JlikeBoB said...

This fucking infuriates me!!! Are you fucking kidding? You're telling me that if you leave a bag, something that weighs a few pounds, in the back of a cab, it can't make it back to it's owner's arms? What the fuck is wrong with people? I remember that bag, it was a fantastic, irreplaceable an old doctor's bag. To think that this cab driver actually took the time to go with you to the police station, the same cab driver who wouldn't drive you to Williamsburg for money, went to the station with you for free, which proves he definitely dropped it off and the police station can't fucking execute a simple, "hold on to this." Consider NYC cops where a gun, flashlight, pocket knife, cellphone, night stick, pack of gum, flares, mace, something that looks like a bag of rock climbing chalk, keys, walkie talkie, handcuffs, baton, bullets, and sometimes a taser on their belt, but they can't hold on to a bag? You'd think they'd want and appreciate a small, convenient bag like this one. Which is probably why it's gone.

YaYaYaDonTKnowMe said...

I once left my cell phone in the back of a taxi, when I first moved here. The next day I got a call from Kristin (the last person I called), and she said the taxi driver wanted to meet up with me. "What a fucking miracle!" I thought, and I got it back. My new favorite thing to leave in a taxi is... UMBREALLAS!