Shit Burger? The following is an interesting intrigue about burgers.
---
"A few years ago, I decided that it would be interesting to make a cheeseburger from scratch. Not just regular “from scratch,” but really from scratch. Like, I’d make the buns, I’d make the mustard, I’d grow the tomatoes, I’d grow the lettuce, I’d grow the onion, I’d grind the beef, make the cheese, etc.
It didn’t happen that summer, by the following summer, my wife and I had built a new house, started raising chickens, and established a pretty good-sized garden. I realized that my prior plan hadn’t been ambitious enough—that wasn’t really from scratch. In fact, to make the buns, I’d need to grind my own wheat, collect my own eggs, and make my own butter. And I’d really need to raise the cow myself (or sheep, and make lamb burgers), mine or extract from seawater my own salt, grow my own mustard plant, etc. This past summer, revisiting the idea, I realized yet again that I was insufficiently ambitious. I’d really need to plant and harvest the wheat, raise a cow to produce the milk for the butter, raise another cow to slaughter for its rennet to make the cheese, and personally slaughter and process the cow or sheep. At this point I was thinking that this might all add up to an interesting book, and started to consider seriously the undertaking.
Further reflection revealed that it’s quite impractical—nearly impossible—to make a cheeseburger from scratch. Tomatoes are in season in the late summer. Lettuce is in season in spring and fall. Large mammals are slaughtered in early winter. The process of making such a burger would take nearly a year, and would inherently involve omitting some core cheeseburger ingredients. It would be wildly expensive—requiring a trio of cows—and demand many acres of land. There’s just no sense in it.
A cheeseburger cannot exist outside of a highly developed, post-agrarian society. It requires a complex interaction between a handful of vendors—in all likelihood, a couple of dozen—and the ability to ship ingredients vast distances while keeping them fresh. The cheeseburger couldn’t have existed until nearly a century ago as, indeed, it did not."
Taken from this blog.---
I've said, on a handful of occasions, that I would be fine giving up beef and all other meats, 'cept for pork. In such a venture, burgers would be the only thing I truly missed. And I know there are other types of burgers besides beef, but I'm talkin' a good beef patty. In recent years, I've been intrigued by the "boutique-ing" of burgers. I feel I've been to a handful of cafes, restaurants that take the burger so seriously that they ruin the burger. The patty is too thick; the bun too creative; the toppings too absurd; the lettuce too overwhelmingly ridiculous; the presentation too inventive. These are the types of places where almost everyone leaves saying "oh yea, mmmhm, oh yea," and the few who don't go post highly self-righteous reviews online. (Perhaps they do both?) I'm not entirely sure I've ever left such a place without feeling deeply apathetic.
In contrary to the article above, the burger is quite simple, and (like many things in the modern world) depreciates as you try to 'church' it up. McDonalds holds a probable monopoly on our generation's perception of the burger, contrasted with the homemade-backyard-dad variety (why do all dads create meatballs when they mean to create burger patties?). Five Guys has an oddly respectable model that only falls short in its apparent lack of sustaining local ingredients. Diners typically do burgers better than cafes, and cafes better than restaurants. Sports venues are hit or miss. And sometimes the fine dining gets them right, mainly based on the quality of meat (I've heard Lugar's is great, never had it). It's brunch that's truly guilty of this boutique escapade.
Who do we talk to, to cease this charade of piling, masquerading as improvements on such an absurdist idea of a sandwich? It reminds me of a line from one of the greatest comedy films of all time, in which Cleveland Indians Manager Lou Brown says, "...we ought to hang around for a while and see if we can give 'em all a nice big shit burger to eat!"
