Yesterday I was stricken with a terrible bout of the stomach flu. I felt like someone was tearing up my insides, until both ends of my body decided to expel the most vile of liquids. Here would be my (extremely) personal FML entry from yesterday:
"I woke up and immediately ran to the bathroom. For a split second I couldn't decided if I should shit in the toilet and throw up on the floor, or throw up in the toilet and shit on the floor. FML."
3 comments:
ahhhhh, i laughed out loud at this. I've never had the shits and throw ups at the same time, but I have seen footage of someone shitting on a keyboard.
"Last night I had a great time until I blacked out. I was being wheeled out on a stretcher, surrounded by laughing college students, completely poisoned by alcohol and flirting with death. My parents were deeply disappointed in my choices. When I got back to my dorm room, I watched myself shit on a computer keyboard, FML."
I love the keyboard shitter story...
this all reminds me...
On my first trip to Los Angeles, I was staying in a hotel room shared with three other coworkers. For dinner, I had a chicken Caesar salad that must have turned. That night I'm sitting on the toilet in the hotel room, blasting doodoo, when I feel the heavy jaw of imminent vomit. I consider trying to jump up and direct my yarf into the commode, but the prospect of facing my feces head-on was too much to bear. Instead, I throw up in the bathtub. The half-digested leafy greens clog the drain. I end up having to scoop up handful after handful of my salad-spew out of the drain and into the john, all without attracting any attention.
I got away with it until the next morning when I took a shower and realized that the drain wasn't draining at all and I was standing in a puddle of vomwater. FML.
Jay, I LAUGHED OUT LOUD after reading your comment about a true life Towson douchebag. AMAZING! My favorite part, "My parents were deeply disappointed in my choices." Been there. FML.
Post a Comment