"Hey, Tim's Back"

I've been reading about the guy below, Tim Masters, who was just released from a Colorado prison after serving 9 years for a crime he did not commit.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/01/23/masters.case/index.html

I have to say, this fellow got rail-roaded pretty good. Masters was falsely convicted of murder when he was 15 and the prosecutors actually used his "violent drawings" as key evidence. But what 15-year-old who can hold a pencil upright isn't sketching violence? I had countless pictures of swords entering heads and dudes with laser eyes melting crotches. Anyway, this guy lost 9 years of his life for absolutely nothing. So now what? Masters is owed almost a decade worth of time, but how do you possibly repay him?

If I was a lawyer and Tim was my client I would go nutz-o on the state of Colorado. Here is a partial list of demands I would make on behalf of Tim Masters:

1.) Money. A yearly salary of 20 million dollars for the next 20 years.

2.) With the exception of murder and rape, Tim is allowed to commit any crime one time before being held accountable.

3.) Tim is exonerated from all victim-less crimes for the rest of his life (drug possession, peeing or pooping in public).

4.) The state must employ a staff of foxy prostitutes and assign them to find Tim in public and have sex with him. Tim will not be notified when this is happening.

5.) Tim is from Colorado. For the next 5 seasons Tim will throw out the first pitch of every Friday Rockies home game.

6.) Tim is allowed 1 punch in the face per week to the people who put him in jail.

7.) Tim gets free rides whenever he pleases on any military vehicle of his choice (Stealth Bomber, submarine).

8.) When Taco Bell comes out with a new item, Tim is the first to try it.

9.) Tim's home and surrounding property will be recognized as the 51st U.S. state. This new state will be worth 30 electoral college votes forcing every Presidential candidate to make personal visits to Tim Master's home and kiss his ass.