Earlier this week I traveled to Delaware to visit my friend "Navy" Chad. Although the trip was a non-stop Delawarian death adventure, the stand out memory will be its where and when I finally learned to solve a Rubik's Cube. Now, using the word "solve" here is very misleading. I did not and cannot "solve" anything, especially a 3x3 rotating colored square. Rather, "Navy" Chad simply showed me the 7-step sequence of events one must memorize to correctly align the toy. The thing is really not difficult or challenging at all once you know the formula. It's like the adult version of learning your ABC's.Here is the problem though--I have convinced myself that knowing how to do a Rubik's Cube is indeed a talent and I now find myself itching to 'cube it up' in front of as many people as possible (especially strangers).
I am truly at my worst on the subway. I have ditched my iTod in favor of a Rubik's and as I sit and wait on the train I become some sort of social predator, preying for attention. When enough commuters are gathered in my area I pull the scrambled cube out of my pocket and go to work, turning the squares in their predetermined moves as fast as I can. After a few minutes I feel eye balls on my hands. This only fuels my disease. When I twist the last 3 colors into place and complete the puzzle I hold it up at about chest level (making sure all my fans can see) and give it a half second once over as though I am "just making sure." I then immediately put the cube back into my pocket and start to read a newspaper. This is the most emotional time in the Rubik's experience for me. I get a rush where I simultaneously feel like not only the coolest person in the world but also its biggest fraud. As I pretend to read the paper (to appear well rounded) I am actually tilting my eyes up as far as I possibly can in order to see how many people were actually watching. My biggest crowd to date is 1. But he was smiling --which I see as the equivalent of a Rubik's standing ovation.
Part of me really doesn't know why I do this. If anyone ever actually approached me to talk afterwards I think I would be horrified. I have nothing intelligent or meaningful to say about anything math related. In conclusion, people who solve Rubik's Cubes on the subway are fake ass losers and if you ever see one just punch em' in the face. We most likely won't fight back.
2 comments:
Welcome Todd, welcome! That was a great post, I was laughing so hard I almost choked on my sandwich. I've always been impressed by people who solve Rubic's Cubes, until one fateful day while waiting for the train. A haggard and homeless man attempted (like your bad self) to appear to have a "Beautiful Mind" and pop and lock that cube, and solve the puzzle. Three minutes later when he had completed the puzzle, I called "bullshit" and knew there was a technique and subsequently saw it online. I haven't attempted it in real life, but that's what weekends in Queens are for... that and dance, dance revolutions.
Everyone knows it's easy to peel and reapply those colored stickers until it all matches up...
Post a Comment